Xfiles: Mommy's boy
by Otaconcon
Summary: When Mulder's mom moves in, his selfrespect moves out. Now complete! If y'all like it I may make a sequel following on from this one.
1. The beginning

Just so you know I don't own The X-files. "What?" you say in amazement. Seriously I don't!

Mommy's Boy.

Scully sat down looking at the coffee Mulder had thrown together for her. It was everyday she got invited to his apartment. Somehow she just knew something was going to go wrong. Something. Anything. The Cigarette Smoking Man, black oil or maybe Alien Bounty Hunters. That sort of thing happened anytime they got time off together. Mulder swaggered into the room with a paper bag in his left hand. It was labelled 'Wong's Palace'.

"Three course meal coming right up." Mulder hated having to raid his stash but it was a special occasion. Week old rice all round. As Mulder started to unpack the 'meal' the phone rang.

"I'll get it," Scully eased her self off the sofa and went into the kitchen. Attempting to ignore the smell of …whatever that was, she picked up the phone.

Mulder was depositing some clearly inedible food on the table when he heard Scully call out, "Mulder!" He 360ed and stepped into the kitchen, "What is it Scully, unexplainable attacks on cattle?" Mulder studied her expression carefully.

"Mulder, its your mother – she's having her place sprayed for pests…she's gonna have to stay with you!"

Opening titles OMG!


	2. Enter mommy

Mulder paced the few metres in front of Skinner's desk relentlessly.

"You must have something. Any grunt work, pointless BS, ANYTHING! Please Skinner, I'm begging you!"

"I'm sorry Mulder there's no out of town business. I haven't even seen CSM lurking around the building for days. Its looks to me like you're going to have to deal with it."

"Deal with it? No, Skinner, no. I know what my mother's like."

"Mulder, I tried. You're going to have to ride this one out." Skinner go to his feet and motioned towards his office door, "now if you'll excuse me I have a meeting with some shady characters that has nothing to do with the plot."

Mulder departed swiftly and made for the main elevator. Would it really be that bad? No, he was probably blowing things way out of proportion. There were much worse things. At that very moment, the doors opened revealing Agent Spender's face. Mulder shivered, "coincidence?"

"Hey Mulder, you still on for the game at your place. Hope you've been working onm your poker face."

Mulder strode past him, "oh yeah it'll be great. I love father/son reunions, don't you?"

Mulder swiftly closed the door before Spender could answer and grinned to himself. What a tool! Mulder sat at his desk and thought to himself. I'll give him a game alright - CSM, Spender, The Lone Gunmen and himself! This was gonna be one heck of a party!


	3. Disputes

This was one crappy party! It was the first night Mulder's mom was staying with him and already it was hell. It seemed that every 5 minutes his mother would interrupt with something trivial – it was bloody ridiculous. In 5 hours they had played 15 minutes of poker. It seemed it was set to continue as Mrs Mulder shuffled into the room with another tray of lemonade and cookies (Frohike alone had wolfed down a whole plateful). Spender was getting along with his dad and even worse, so was Mulder's mother. He shuddered at the thought of it. As if CSM wasn't enough people's father already!

Monday, and the trend continued. Scully was sure she had been knocking on the door for 15 minutes solid when it finally opened on the chain. Staring out was the face of Mrs Mulder. "Can I help you Miss Mully?"

"Scully," Dana corrected her, "can I see Mulder it's very important?" There was a sigh from inside Room 42.

"I'm sorry, Mulder can't come out he's very sick. He's got such a fever!" Scully side-stepped just enough to see Mulder coming up behind her, "Mom, I'm perfectly alright. The world isn't going to end just because I'm a little on the warm side!"

His mother was adamant to make her point, "the world also isn't going to end just because you don't go on a mission. You go lie back down."

"Mom…" Mulder started.

"No, Fox!" she quickly replied and pointed to the sofa.

Mulder almost exploded, "This is bullcrap!"

"Language, Fox!" she said as she closed the door behind her. "That woman is a bad influence on you…" Out in the hall Scully frowned.

Mulder thought he had the worst of it but he was very sadly mistaken. For the rest of the week his mother ironed his suits, made him packed lunches, sent him to bed at 8:30 and cleaned his apartment. And naturally by the last day Mulder was more relieved than he thought humanly possible.


	4. Episode conclusion

Finally! Mulder's mother was going back home tomorrow and he was overjoyed. There was a knock at the door and Mulder went to answer it. Oh yes it was a glorious day! The only thing that could make it any better was... Standing in the hall outside Mulder's apartment were Krychek and the Cigarette-Smoking Man. Mulder stepped back from his peephole and shrugged, it had been a while since he had been kidnapped and with his mother staying with him he was actually looking forward to it. They steal his baby and put a chip in his neck for all he cared. He was about to open the door when Mrs Mulder stopped him.

"Mulder help me clean the bathroom." Mulder was taken aback, "but I really…"

"No buts, Mulder!" she insisted. Mulder gave in and followed her.

CSM knocked again "I don't think he's in." Krychek yawned, "maybe he's on the crapper?"

Mulder waved to his mother and closed the door behind her. He slid down the side of the door, it was finally over. Scully came out of the bathroom.

"So, Mulder you said we were going to go somewhere?" Scully imagined the many possibilities on their day off.

"Um, yeah I was thinking we could…" The phone rang and he answered it. "Oh no."

The blood rushed from Scully's face. Could it be…"What is it, Mulder?"

"Your sister has a problem with her plumbing – her apartment is flooded. She's going to have to stay with you." Scully threw back her hands and everything seemed to go into slow-motion.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

THE END


End file.
